Here I go again

I swear I am an idiot. I must learn from my mistakes. But no, I just cant do that. I let people in. I tell them who I am, and in the end they get hurt. Why can't I just close up, and not let anybody know who I am? I'm only human. People usually won't learn from their mistakes until they experience them like a hundred times. Then they finally understand. We are so stupid. We are like sheep. Not very intelligent. I think every time we call sheep stupid we are calling ourselves stupid. The only smart thing we can do is listen to the Shepard. He knows what to do, and to tell us where to go. He can't force us, but He can encourage us.
Back to the issue at hand. I feel like beating myself down for being so dumb. I know better than this. Do I trully desire someone's attention so much that I don't care that they will get hurt? I'm so shallow. Why doesn't someone send me away to some place where I can't hurt anyone. I'm like a serpant. So stealthy with my moves, and so silent no one expects they are in danger. I will slowly rap myself around your neck until I have a firm grip, and then I squeeze really hard until I take the life from you, but I won't kill you. No, I won't do that. Instead I will let you lie there in your sorrow wondering why I hurt you so badly. Then I leave and let you suffer for the rest of your life. It's like a drug to me. I have to have it. I must get the attention, and then when I'm done I dispose of you in a pit to rot while I look for my next victim. Why? Because someone did that too me.
I practically gave my heart to them. At least what felt like my heart. I thought there was potential, but little did I know that he was slowly suffocating me. He disposed of me because it was wrong. He knew it, and realized what he was doing. He immediately let go. I still suffered. For four years I suffered. I hated him, and I wanted revenge. But I couldn't. He didn't have the same feelings as before. Things are different. I have forgiven him. I know I'm capable of it, but I don't know about anybody else.
Love is such a fragile thing. It's so great and strong. Someone else may try to break it, but it is impossible. Only the ones who are in love are capable of destroying it, and when they do it leaves a terrible mess. The other still loves, and now has to suffer being alone. Which is easier to endure? Loneliness? or Love?

My First Memory

My first memory of you was when you hit me in the face with a baseball. It wasn't intentional but mom and dad talked to you anyway. That first memory didn't change who I view you today. We were young, and accident prone. My next memories of you were all the great times we had together as brother and sister during our childhood. You always looked out for me, and always cared. I can't imagine where I would be in life without you in it. My favorite memory of you was when we slowed danced together. There was no music, so sang a song you knew instead. I have loved that song ever since then. It reminds me of our relationship, and how much we understood each other. I remember out first fight. It was so silly and so stupid we laugh about it now. That was the only time we argued. I remember those years when it felt like you were stuck in a rut. Life seemed to be passing you by. I didn't understand what you were going through then, but I do understand it now. You were lonely, and possibly felt unloved. I know, because I am going through it right now. Then you met her. You didn't know it at the time, but she was your future wife. I remember when you asked me about her. If I like her or if she was a good person. I already loved her to death. She was like an older sister to me. When you started dating, it was difficult. Life was stressful, and you guys were struggling. I was afraid you would break up, but then you asked her to marry you. I was so excited. You were getting married. I remember the day of your guy's wedding. You looked so happy that day. All that planning before, and all the stress seemed to dissipate from your face. Now when I see you, you look so happy.