Here I go again

I swear I am an idiot. I must learn from my mistakes. But no, I just cant do that. I let people in. I tell them who I am, and in the end they get hurt. Why can't I just close up, and not let anybody know who I am? I'm only human. People usually won't learn from their mistakes until they experience them like a hundred times. Then they finally understand. We are so stupid. We are like sheep. Not very intelligent. I think every time we call sheep stupid we are calling ourselves stupid. The only smart thing we can do is listen to the Shepard. He knows what to do, and to tell us where to go. He can't force us, but He can encourage us.
Back to the issue at hand. I feel like beating myself down for being so dumb. I know better than this. Do I trully desire someone's attention so much that I don't care that they will get hurt? I'm so shallow. Why doesn't someone send me away to some place where I can't hurt anyone. I'm like a serpant. So stealthy with my moves, and so silent no one expects they are in danger. I will slowly rap myself around your neck until I have a firm grip, and then I squeeze really hard until I take the life from you, but I won't kill you. No, I won't do that. Instead I will let you lie there in your sorrow wondering why I hurt you so badly. Then I leave and let you suffer for the rest of your life. It's like a drug to me. I have to have it. I must get the attention, and then when I'm done I dispose of you in a pit to rot while I look for my next victim. Why? Because someone did that too me.
I practically gave my heart to them. At least what felt like my heart. I thought there was potential, but little did I know that he was slowly suffocating me. He disposed of me because it was wrong. He knew it, and realized what he was doing. He immediately let go. I still suffered. For four years I suffered. I hated him, and I wanted revenge. But I couldn't. He didn't have the same feelings as before. Things are different. I have forgiven him. I know I'm capable of it, but I don't know about anybody else.
Love is such a fragile thing. It's so great and strong. Someone else may try to break it, but it is impossible. Only the ones who are in love are capable of destroying it, and when they do it leaves a terrible mess. The other still loves, and now has to suffer being alone. Which is easier to endure? Loneliness? or Love?